Parents: treat your children with equity and justice

An-Nu’man bin Bashir raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) said:

My father took me to the Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) and said to him, “I have gifted one of my slaves to this son of mine.”

The Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said, “have you given such gift to every son of yours?” He replied “no.”

Thereupon he said, “take this gift back.” [Al Bukhari and Muslim]

Another narration is:

The Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said, “be mindful of your obligation to Allah and do justice in respect of your children.” [Al Bukhari and Muslim]

Another narration is:

The Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) asked, “have you other children besides this one?” He replied “yes.”

The Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) asked, “have you awarded a gift like this to all of them?” He replied “no.”

The Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said, “I am not going to bear witness to this act of injustice.” [Al Bukhari and Muslim]

Another narration is:

The Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) asked, “do you not accept goodness from all of them as you accept from him?” He replied “yes of course.”

The Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said, “then don’t do this.” (ie. do not give a gift to one son only) [Al Bukhari and Muslim]

Commentary

We learn from this Hadith the following important points:

  1. In every matter, one should consult scholars and experts of Shari`ah. This was the practice of the Companions raḍyAllāhu 'anhum (may Allāh be pleased with them).
  2. Parents should deal with all their children with equity and justice. Preferential treatment with any child affects them adversely. Obviously injustice creates tension for parents as well as children and eventually family ties are broken.
  3. This hadith is also advanced by those scholars in support of their contention that if a person wants to distribute his property among his children during his lifetime, he should not make any discrimination among his male and female children and should give an equal share to all of them.

SubhanAllah, I toppled through this beautiful hadith today and it couldn’t say more about a reality of the insane hustle of many household.

I believe many can relate to this hadith as it’s nothing new that many parents differentiate between their children or have preferences for a child, or favours the son and rejects the daughter, resulting to jealousy and possessiveness between siblings.

This mentality of parents leads children to be rebellious and more demanding. There are certain children while growing up as an individual hold the image of that differentiation in their heart, thus always fomenting resentment towards their brothers and sisters throughout their lives.

I firmly believe that parents should try to put themselves in the shoes of their children at least once. Especially parents who had had an exposure to such an environment during their childhood should take experience from it and refrain from doing so to their own children as they already know how it feels.

There are adults who would love to have children but whom are unable to conceive. Stop for a minute and imagine their pain and how they long to be able to hold their babies in their arms and shower them with their love and affection, cherishing each and every single moment with them.

Dear parents, parenthood is an amazing blessing bestowed on you by Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). Thus, show gratitude by treating your children well and equally instead of being ungrateful. Do not allow bitterness to be created between them with your own hands.

Children are human beings as anyone else and they deserve to be loved and to have the most of attention and care possible. Children are the most precious, fragile and innocent little beings that are the bundle of joy of a ménage. Do not break their little heart. Treat all your children equally and certainly Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) will reward you for it.

Change your mentality and put this hadith into practice and you will see the respect twinkling into your children eyes for you and the love and harmony that will be shared amongst them, insha Allah.

Be the right example to your children so that they can be the right example to theirs in turn.



The Author

This blog is updated and maintained by the editor and her team with exclusive articles and all that's going on at 'I am Alima'. To contact us, email blog@iamalima.org.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>