And I say, I love You!

Did you ever ask her, how she was? Even if you would have asked her, she would reply you, she was fine. Once again, can you see an invisible mask, a mask we try to hide ourselves, so that the world thinks we are always fine. But let me, as a medical student, tell you how she was. She had developed an acute attack of gastroenteritis by midnight leading to a severe hypovolumic shock. She developed an extreme rise of temperature with huge bouts of vomiting. She grew so ill, every time she lifted herself, she fell down to the floor.

Sometimes certain incidents happen to us in our lives so unexpectedly, which if we are sensitized to, has the potential to change the paradigm of our lives by the will of Allaah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). On that instance, she fell on the floor with a thud, she fell so hard, she thought she could never rise again. Her head so heavy, she laid unconscious. Deep down, she thought, perhaps this was going to be her last chance. She felt that heavy pain on her soul, as if it was been pulled off her body. She knew we had to say something during this time – our last breath! We had to say, ’Laa ilaha illAllaah’. But somewhere, it was lost in oblivion, she couldn’t utter those words which she thought we needed to just say when we are at our last breath. Her eyes fell close once again.

With no sense of time and place, with a familiar voice speaking to her in the background, she opened her eyes. She found her lying on her bed with her Mum next to her.

This was her physical struggle to survive, to keep herself alive. This was the story of her physical pain and disease of her body externally which I could narrate to you. Truly it was a painful ordeal. But my dear sisters and brothers, do you and I have any idea of the massive pain and heart ache she bore within herself? This is the pain which we are quite often successful in hiding behind our masks. A pain, none has the slightest idea except you and Al ‘Aleem. This is the pain of the disease which we are in the least bothered to cure or at least try to look for the cure. A pain greater than no other – the pain of the distance to our Creator.

Do you have an ECG machine to detect this disease?!

Don’t ask me, medical science has no answer. Allaah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He), Al Khaliq, says in the Glorious Qur’an,

“O mankind! There has come to you a direction from your Lord and a healing for the (diseases) in your hearts – and for those who believe, a Guidance and a Mercy.” [1. Yunus, Ayah 57]

She realized her answers were in the Quran. As she convalesced, she realized the missing link in her life. We have no thermometer to access the degree of pain her heart was going through. She realized she did not live a life of Tawheed, a close relationship with Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He), in accordance to the Will of her Creator, and hence when she felt her end nearer, she failed to utter ‘Laa ilaha illallah’. She failed to internalize it, as she had made no efforts throughout her life to gain the knowledge of Islam, to gain the knowledge of her Creator. She felt an unusual flutter of nerves through her body, something she never before experienced. She trembled in fear, unable to grasp in its entirety what she had gone through. It could well have been her returning point, Allaah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) could have taken her soul and she would have no chance to repent, she would have been among the eternal losers. She gasped an air, awestruck; she held the handle of her bedside table.

She thought, ‘Is Allaah SO loving?! She had no words, spell bounded in awe. She wanted to confess her love to her Most Loving Lord, Al Wadood. She rushed to Him in sujood in tears. She cried worse than a baby, she wanted to do so. She wanted to make her confession, her submission to Ar Rahmaan, her repentance to Al Ghaffaar. Hence she found that, many people spend their entire life searching for happiness in everything and everywhere else. She found peace. This was her turning point straight from her returning point this Ramadhaan. She uttered in tears:

“Ya Allaah! I want to say, I love You. I want You in my life, I want You to embrace me, I have not slightest idea of Your Love towards me. Please forgive me. I ask You to give me the tawfeeq to live a life in Your obedience, to show You, how much I love You. I ask You, ya Wahhab to bestow me the ability to utilize all my life, my time, strength and passion You have bestowed me with to spend it in Your Worship till my last breath. I ask You to give me the tawfeeq to sell my life to You in Your love, fear and hope.

Ya Al ‘Alaa, when I fail, give me the ability to pick myself up to sell myself to You at a much higher standard than ever before. As I come out of this Ramadhaan, grant me Your love, closeness to You and tawakkul upon You than ever before. Grant me richness and radiance, beauty and purity to my heart, ‘izzah and a higher status in Your Sight than ever before. Grant me highest of the Jannah and happiness that never ceases. This heart of mine longs For You subhana wa ta’ala, for Your Sight subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). Glorified and Exalted be You, Above all imperfections.” Ameen ya Rabb!

Isn’t it high time, in fact it is the Blessed time of Ramadhaan that we rush to our Lord in obedience, to show Him how much we love Him?!

Before I end, I have amazing good news to share with you. It is an ayat in Surah Al Baqarah, where for the first time from the beginning of the Quran, Allaah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) mentions the creation of man. Allaah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) mentions about the creation of Adam 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him).

“And [mention, O Muhammad], when your Lord said to the angels, “Indeed, I will make upon the earth a successive authority.” They said, “Will You place upon it one who causes corruption therein and sheds blood, while we declare Your praise and sanctify You?” Allah said, “Indeed, I know that which you do not know.” [2. Al-Baqarah, Ayah 30]

Allaah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says at the end of the ayah, It is I who knows what you do not know. The angels said humans will shed blood, and they were correct. However, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) told the Angels that He knows what they do not. Which means:

[dropcap2]1[/dropcap2] There will be some people who won’t cause Corruption on Earth. Rather, they will be fighting against and opposing corruption. They are the followers of the Prophets’ may Allaahsubḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) be pleased with them.

[dropcap2]2[/dropcap2] Even though this group will be a small amount, they will be a proof enough to the Angels – that Allah’s point was valid.

This means that Allahsubḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is Proud when His slaves submit to Him, follow His Messengers’ and oppose corruption. And this is why Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) will be extremely happy with these slaves on Judgment Day.

“He has succeeded who purifies it,
And he has failed who instills it [with corruption].” [3. Al-Shams, Ayah 9,10]

I ask Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) to make us of His slaves who constantly purify themselves, of whom Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is proud of and amazed at. So that He shows off to the Angels about us. Ameen ya Rabb.

The Author

Alima Ashfaq is the founder of I am Alima and hopes to transform it into the forefront of assisting women come closer to Allah (swt). She is the author of a number of publications, most notably Du’as of the Superstars.

2 Responses

  1. Alima Ashfaq August 12, 2012 / 1:39 am

    Jazakillahu khayrun for writing this beautiful piece Humaira, as I come across this blog it helps me increase in my eman, thank you. :)

  2. Humaira August 12, 2012 / 5:45 pm

    BarakAllaahu feeki Alima, alhamdulillaah you benefited. As we are nearing the end of the blessed month of Ramadhaan, may Allaah increase our imaan to awesome heights! Aameen.

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